They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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