holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
