They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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