I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
