I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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