It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
