At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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