Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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