So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
