I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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