Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
