we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
