If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
