Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
