hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
