So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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