Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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