Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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