True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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