Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
