So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
