if i can run in heels then i can drive
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
