what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Panties = found
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
