just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
