Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Found the puke drawer
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
