hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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