He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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