Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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