I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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