This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
