i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
