i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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