i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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