Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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