if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
