She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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