I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
not ubering you a puppy
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
