I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
