Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
