Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
