Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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