Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
