I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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