Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
