By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
