I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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