She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
