My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
