You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
