Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I need to align my fucking chakras
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