So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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