i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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