The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
