First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
