I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
